Interview: The Psychology of Abuse and How our Culture Fuels It
It is critical for sexual abuse and assault victims to get psychological support. We know that victims are more likely to be re-victimized than the general population. Our hypothesis is that once victims are traumatized, if they do not get help, they internalize their trauma. This may lead to self medication, feelings of worthlessness, depression, anxiety, risky behaviors or isolation. They are at risk of developing PTSD. As much as friends and family want to help, the victim is usually dealing with a range of emotional and psychological issues that will need professional intervention to put them onto a healthy path.
I spent some time talking with Dr. Shani Glaudé who practices clinical psychology in the DC Metro Area to get her insights on the psychology of abuse and the impact of an assault on a victim. We also discussed these issues in the context of a recent case that highlights how cultural norms undermine victims’ rights and recovery. Below are excerpts from part 1 of a multi-part interview.
People who are not in abusive relationships often wonder why a victim would tolerate it. What have your found in your practice?
“I always tell people, be careful how you talk to your children because that becomes their inner voice. It’s also the first real test of safety.”
“What we think of as small as criticism can be traumatic to someone's inner voice over time. So if you have a critical parent where nothing ever feels good enough, that becomes your core belief about yourself. I'm not good enough, period.”
“People who come from critical households start to attract more demanding, abusive, critical people because it's familiar and they don't understand that this is not healthy. It might be normal to you, but it is not healthy.”
Is our culture also impacting this ‘inner voice’?
“Social anxiety is through the roof right now.”
“[There is a] fear of rejection, fear of what people are gonna think of you and how you're going to be received. Love and belonging [are] like food and water to human beings. We're social creatures.”
How do you define Trauma in your practice?
“It could be something as small as too much criticism. It can be something as large as violence and sexual assault. But there [are] all the things that come from this continuum criticism and violence. All the things that go in between [those] can shape your personality and your [sense of] comfort in the world.”
What are the effects of assault that you see in your practice?
“There [are] the short term effects. You [The victim] are having flashbacks from sleep disruptions. You can't focus. You don't feel comfortable around people. You don't feel comfortable in your own skin. There is just this heightened level of triggers. It's almost like you're having to put the world together from a different lens now, where walking to the store one day may have just felt like ‘this is a nice day and I'm just going to go to the store and I'll come home’. Now, walking to the store could be a totally different experience in your mind around what could happen on that walk to the store. So something as small as getting groceries is now a very big deal.”
“Long-term effects: Do I have enough trust in myself to be able to make healthy relationship choices? Do I take risks now? Do I step outside of my box and try something brave? Not when people are scared. It's just a lot of shame and self-doubt. How [do] you build a confident world when you're struggling with shame and self-doubt.”
Dr. Glaude and I turned our discussion towards the NJ teen rape case where the perpetrator texted a video of himself raping an incapacitated girl. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/n-j-judge-spared-teen-rape-suspect-because-he-came-n1026111
How does social media impact the self-perception of young people?
“People want to be seen and they can be in, in an instant. They get more attention for the worst things. I mean, you can do something really good and maybe a few people will know, but if you do something really horrible, the whole world will know.”
“You can see how the culture is shifting from really correcting an offender in a way that sends the message that this isn't okay, to victim-blaming and shaming.”
What impact does the judge’s refusal to immediately punish the perpetrator have on our society?
“We live in a culture where we don't want to correct the offenders and I don't know why that is. I don't know why we are not putting our energy into rehabilitating, teaching and correcting these things, rather than putting all the responsibility on the person we're supposed to be protecting.”
“People [Victims] are terrified to say anything. They're just not protected and they're not believed. You have young children who are going through this and they need to know they're going to be believed. And it's hard enough to walk around with this in your head every day and then have to do it alone. You have to suffer in silence because you're not sure what's going to happen to you once it's out there. So you've already endured this trauma, [and] then you have to endure the next level of trauma of what happens if “I” do say something— that's more trauma.”
What is the most important thing we should be doing to help support victims and why?
“Listen and believe. Believing them is powerful. It's a powerful tool. People who have been assaulted need corrective experiences with people. They need to be able to have a safe environment with people. We can't get that if they're not being listened to and they're not being believed.”
About Dr. Glaudé:
Dr. Shani Glaudé is PsyD, LCPC is in private practice at Dr. Shani Glaudé Therapeutic Services. Dr. Glaudé received her PsyD in Clinical Psychology from Argosy University in 2012 and her MA in Counseling Psychology from Towson University in 2007. Dr. Glaudé has a practice that is heavily focused on women of color, especially the African American community. She also has a special interest in helping couples improve the quality of their relationship. Dr. Glaudé works with her clients to design a roadmap to balanced living and reshape their futures.
